wednesday, august 7, 2019
I want to apologize for my moods lately and lack of doing things. The last few weeks have been really hard for me, being the sentimental and sensitive person that I am, especially having been born with a disorder of which depression is literally a symptom.
The last weekend of July signified one year from losing my best friend and almost losing my own life.
The shootings this last weekend as well, one of my stream regulars privately messaged me scared because she almost went to the Walmart in El Paso that day, as it was happening.
And being without my kids, coming up on three years.. alone in this apartment.. with my erratic health.. it's all a bit overwhelming, to say the least. Confirming my bias, if you will, that anything can and will happen so I would like to be prepared, as much as possible, whatever that means.. morbid, I suppose, but what else am I supposed to do?
I just celebrated my "One Year Streamaversary" this last weekend, too, but I haven't streamed since Monday.
Usually I do okay with distracting myself, I surprise myself with how optimistic I can be.. but it's been harder and harder to do that lately. I haven't exercised since last Friday, either, and of course that just causes it's own vicious cycle of stressing me out since I tend to stress-eat like Hell, on top of not exercising.. overwhelmed is an understatement.